Irony and Grace

Currently I have a large sheet of paper (it's the back of March from my at-a-glance calendar) with words and phrases and connecting lines all over it. I am trying to impose some order on it, and I'll get there, but right now it contains things I want, things I believe I need to do, and things that I know are problems.

One of the things that I want is to dream of flying again. It was something that I used to do as a kid. I don't remember when I last had a flying dream, but for it to be possible I believe that I felt free and unencumbered.

It is more common now for me to have dreams where my access is blocked, like closed gates or upside down stairways, or I have endless tasks. I do know when the endless tasks dreams began. I started working at McDonald's in high school. It was not unusual for me to work four closing shifts a week, and I was tired all the time.

I would have dreams where I knew I needed to wake up, because it was time to get up, but in the dream I had a line full of customers in the drive-through, and I had to help all of them before I could wake up. That changed to customers at the cash register when I started working at K-mart (which was not open as late, but I did still get tired) and it has morphed into other things, but I do always feel like I have a lot to do, and it pervades the dreams.

It occurred to me that if I ever have a flying dream again, that would be a good sign for how I am feeling. Since I want that, I work very hard on doing the things that can help me get to that point again. Ironically, that can leave me feeling more burdened, and more likely to have the other kind of dreams.

I don't know exactly how that will unfold. I am sure that I will always have responsibilities and things that I want to do, but it is absolutely possible that there will be times when I will feel more pay-off, or less burden, or more possibility. Something happened this weekend that seems to go along with that.

It was the General Conference for our church. That means that various leaders speak, and it is broadcast. It is a semi-annual event, and I try to go in open to what I need to hear, and be thinking about where I could use some inspiration.

I had thought that any guidance on my writing, or healing, or family harmony, or maybe family history or fellow-shipping for some other things I am working on. That's not exactly a razor-sharp focus, but I figured it would be okay. I would come away knowing something that I needed to do. That is not what happened.

President Eyring spoke first in the first session. Most members of the Church have some leaders that they connect to more than others, and he is one of mine. It happened almost right away. I mean, I just brought up the recording, and right after he said it I hit pause, and it is the 47-second mark.

"When we offer succor to anyone, the Savior feels it as if we reached out to succor Him."

He then references Matthew 25, and yes, that's what it says. If we do it unto one of the least, we do it unto Him. I know that, but I really felt it then.

It had been a week where I had reached out to a lot of people. There had been expressions of gratitude there, including two people telling me I had made their day, so it was there. It's not like I don't remember that it happens, exactly, but I am always really aware that I am just offering a little emotional support while the problems that led me to offer support remain.

It doesn't feel like much, but in that moment it was sanctified, less than a minute into the first talk.

That does not mean that the projects and self-improvement are off; they're still on. It was nonetheless very moving for me that I was going in looking for new assignments and ways to be better, and instead I was reminded of my goodness now.

Things I need to do come into my mind all the time. That includes contacting the people I contacted. So, maybe I didn't need more to do, as much as I needed relief.

The light that you need is out there if you will stay open to it.